Sex and social distancing – how to have sexy phone and video chat when you can’t be together

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Social distancing presents challenges on many fronts. For some, it’s living with partners, flatmates and families. For others, it means long weeks alone. Staying sane means pooling our wisdom around ways of reaching out and connecting. If you think social distancing means that you can’t maintain intimacy and have a little naughty fun, read on to find out just how saucy things can get. 

What happens if you live apart from your partner? Or you want to have sexy times with new people during lockdown? Do you have options? Yes, oh yes… There are plenty of ways to stay in touch with your sexuality during this strange time. 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder and that is not the only part of the body that can get excited by a little distance. 

Why bother? 

It’s easy to withdraw or let things slide when there’s a challenge to your normal behaviour. We all just have to endure this, right? That’s one way of looking at it but here’s another. You can pivot in response to the change and end up learning new things about yourself and your partner. There is no pressure, of course, because that’s a total turnoff. However, even if you feel a little nervous, there’s an opportunity for excitement here. 

And let’s not forget these important considerations:

  • orgasms are great for your health
  • sex is a great stress reliever
  • connection and overcoming challenges improve your mental wellbeing
  • maintaining personal relationships is key to facing the current social issues. 

So, it is not only fun but it’s also good for you. You can avoid risking your health as you’re the only person doing the touching. ‘You are your safest sexual partner’ declared the New York Health Department in their Sex and Coronavirus Disease leaflet. So, you’re in the clear on all fronts. Let’s get connected. 

Communication

The best foreplay is communication and it comes before everything else (pun intended). Talk to your partner about what you will do and how you will do it. You may have some clear boundaries or genuine restrictions like time or space to yourself. 

This is also a good time to talk about insecurities. It may seem scary to make yourself vulnerable at first. But, if you can’t share your thoughts with someone, it’s hard to be intimate with them. Opening up often leads to better sex. 

Once you have named your worries, they won’t seem as bad. You might even share the same ones as your partner. Possibilities open up when we are authentic with each other. 

Sexting

Texting your sexy thoughts is the perfect place to start if you’re feeling a bit shy. Having the space to write and edit offers a sense of safety. Pressing that send button becomes a little thrill of its own. Plus, anticipation is a huge turn on. Waiting for and receiving the next response in your exchange releases the happy hormone dopamine in your brain.  

You can sext wherever you are and whatever you’re doing. An exchange might be an end in itself or it could be the build-up to another activity.  As a bonus, you can read back through your texts, later on, to get you in the mood or give you a little reminiscing buzz. 

Phone sex

The next step is getting intimate on the phone. Many people find sexy talk intimidating but you don’t need a dirty thesaurus or an anatomy book for this step. Keep it simple and only say what you’re comfortable with. 

Start with a description of where you are, what you’re wearing and so on. Next, narrate what you’re doing or what you’d like to do to them. You can also make pleasure noises and say simple things like ‘that feels good’ if you find yourself stuck. Even the sound of your breath may be enough once you get going. 

Let silence moments happen too — it’s natural to be non-verbal for a while, even during phone sex. And, remember, like any sexual activity, you can stop any time you want to. It is always possible to try again on another day once you have discussed what happened with your partner.  

Fantasy fun

The first step towards getting what you want is knowing what you want. Fantasy is all about building a picture of the things you like. Get all your senses involved. Is there a sexy scent that turns you on? Do you like the feel of a certain material? How do you like to touch and receive touch? Share these with your partner. It will give them confidence that they can provide you with what you want. And you can ask for the same in return. 

You may want to incorporate roleplay into your fantasies.The power of story is that it bypasses our conscious mind where we hold a lot of our insecurities and restrictions. A story goes straight to the subconscious stimulating our primal and physical responses. 

Naked confidence

Are you ready for your close up? Technology means we can add a visual element to social distancing sex. The best place to start is with your clothes on. Talk, talk and talk some more about what you both want out of the experience. After that, spend a bit of solo time with your device’s camera checking angles, lighting and positioning to ensure you feel sexy on screen.

Introduce a build-up routine to the proceedings. Get dressed up, light a few candles and set the scene. All this helps to get the mind and body ready for good times. 

Toys can provide an extra dimension. Go as far as you want with these; the possibilities are myriad and exciting. You may have a few classic toys that you, or you and your partner, use all the time. Or you could invest in some high tech toys that connect via an app. These allow you to pleasure your partner using your device and vice versa. If all that sounds a bit complicated, leave it out. You get to decide what is right for you. If it doesn’t get you off, get rid of it. 

Leave space for awkwardness

Let’s get something out in the open right here. There is always the chance that things will go wrong. The Wi-Fi might drop out at a key moment. You could end up blurting out an odd word during phone sex. You can’t know what will happen so remember to take it lightly. Remember, you’re having fun here. Moving past inevitable bumps in the process brings you closer together and lays the groundwork for an even better connection. 

The aftermath

Hopefully, all this will help you maintain intimacy and have fun during the lockdown. When we’re all finished staying safe and staying home, all this build-up will make for amazing reunion sex.

Enjoy exploring the different possibilities and, if you want to read more body positive and frank content visit our learning centre.

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Christy
Christy
July 13, 2021 1:51 am

Such a fun and informative article. Definitely tried some of these. Thank you for the other options. My man is gonna be happy 😉

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This blog is not intended to provide diagnosis, treatment or medical advice. Content provided on this blog is for informational purposes only. Please consult with a physician or other healthcare professional regarding any medical or health related diagnosis or treatment options.

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